How To Turn Fear Into A Blessing

By Deb | Published: June 2, 2010

Bless you for your fear for it is a sign of wisdom. Do not hold yourself in fear. Transform the energy to flexibility and you will be free from what you fear. — Yoko Ono in our book, THE WAY AHEAD

Everyone knows fear. It can come in an instant and throw us into chaos, yet it can also save our life. Fear is a natural response to physical danger, but it can also be self-created, such as the fear of failure, of being out of control, of being different, or of being lonely. There is a fear of the future and of death. We fear loving because we fear being rejected, fear being generous because we fear that we will not have enough; we fear sharing our thoughts or feelings in case we appear wrong, and we cannot trust because we are dominated by self-doubt and insecurity.

This self-generated fear is found in its acronym: F.E.A.R., or False Evidence Appearing Real. It appears real even though it is a fear of the future and is not happening now. Therefore, it has no real substance, arising when the ego-self is threatened, which makes us cling to the known and familiar. Such fear creates untold worry, apprehension, nervous disorders, and even paranoia.

The immediate effect of fear is to shut us down, and, in particular, to shut off the heart. Just for a moment, let your body take the stance of feeling fearful. What is your posture? Most people hunch their shoulders forward, fold their arms across their chests, or assume a similarly contracted position to shield the heart, fear having triggered the need to be on the defensive. In this self-protective place, the heart goes out of reach and we cannot feel love or even friendliness. Try saying “I love you” with real meaning while your arms are firmly folded across your heart. Hard to do!

As long as we push away, deny, or ignore fear, it will hold us captive and keep us emotionally frozen and captive, unable to move forward. In that place, we become untrusting of love, of spontaneity; we get angry or hide. But where fear contacts and closes the heart, resisting love, love expands and opens the heart, embracing fear.

“There’s a world of love and there’s a world of fear, and it’s standing right in front of you,” said Bruce Springsteen in David Hepworth’s The “Q” Interview. “And very often that fear feels a lot realer and certainly more urgent than the feeling of love. The night my son was born, I got close to a feeling of real, pure, unconditional love with all the walls down. All of a sudden, what was happening was so immense that it just stomped all the fear away. But I also understood why you are so frightened. When that world of love comes rushing in, a world of fear comes in with it. To open yourself up to one thing, you’ve got to embrace the other as well.”

So now try taking the posture of love. Watch how your body responds, your arms reaching outward, accepting and inviting. Fear may still be there, but love can welcome fear—it can embrace any negativity. Watch how your breathing gets deeper, fuller. Where fear shuts out love, love holds fear tenderly. It is like the sky that contains everything, the stars, the moon, the wind. With your arms stretched wide, try saying, “I’m frightened” and really mean it. Hard to do

Remember times you have met fear and moved through it, so many times when fear arose but you kept going? Those are moments of fearlessness. Fear may close the heart, but courage comes out of heartfulness, out of releasing resistance. Fear will stop us from facing our shadow and participating fully in life, but fearlessness will give us the courage to dive into the unknown.

In other words, being fearless does not mean we deny fear, it is not a state of being without fear. Rather, it is fully experiencing the fear, naming it, getting to know it, and taking it by the hand so that it can become our friend and ally.

Being With Fear

Allowing fear in and making friends with it is no small feat; fear is a powerful emotion that demands understanding and patience. But trying to block it will simply create further anxiety.

Fear comes—we breathe and let go.

Fear comes—we see how the mind needs reassurance and tenderness.

Fear comes—we replace it with love.

When we do this, we are inviting the fearful and anxious parts of ourselves to get to know each other, even to sit down for a cup of tea together.

Meditation enables us to be with fear. As we do this, then we begin to see the benefits of fear, the unexpected insights and flashes of understanding that move us into courage and a deeper awareness. In this way, fear becomes our ally.

Meditation: The Way It Is

Sit comfortably with an upright spine, take a deep breath and let it go.

Focus your attention on your breathing, just watching the natural flow of your breath.

Staying aware and open, allow whatever feelings are present to arise.

Have no judgment, rejection or aversion. Accept whatever you are experiencing as simply a part of what is.

You do not need to change anything.

Just be with whatever the feeling may bring up in you.

Be kind and caring to yourself.

Keep breathing and accepting, breathing and being with what is.

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THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE YOURSELF: MEDITATE

By Deb | Published: April 10, 2010

Shocking as it may seem, there are probably very few people who have never experienced stress. It can happen in a minute or it may build over time. It can spur creativity but is more likely to leave you irritated, depleted, and even physically ill. Which is why, sponsored by The Health Resource Network (HRN), April is Stress Awareness Month, a time when care givers across the country will be increasing public awareness about both the causes and cures for stress, now seen as a modern day epidemic.

The word stress is a derivation of the Latin word meaning to be drawn tight, which is pretty much how most of us feel. The words meditation and medication have the same prefix derived from the Latin word medicus, meaning to care or to cure, indicating that meditation is likely to be the most effective and efficient remedy for a busy and overworked mind. Which is why meditation is the greatest gift you could give your self.

In essence, meditation is simply about calming our chattering monkey-like mind and being aware and present in this very moment. This is easier than we may think, yet so many people say to us: My mind is too busy; I can’t sit still; I can’t possibly meditate; I just fall asleep. This is because our mind tends to be all over the place chasing different scenarios, so that our ability to be completely here and now is challenged. Although being aware of the present moment is simple, we have spent so many years covering it up with all sorts of distractions that now we have to practice being still in order to reconnect with it.

During meditation we gently let go of distractions so we can genuinely be present. Like a child watching an ant walking down the sidewalk carrying a crumb, that is all that exists in their world at that moment. They are not thinking about what they had for breakfast, or what they will do with their best friend at their next playdate. They are only watching the ant.

Meditation enables us to stop trying, to let go of the story, the dramas, our stressed mind, and to discover an inner easefulness. Some people describe this as a sense of coming home, as if they had been away or out of touch with themselves without having realized it; others experience it as a huge relief as there is a release of anxiety and self-centeredness and they enter into a more peaceful state of being. The inner joy and happiness is incomparable. Personally, we don’t know how we would function in this mad, mad world without it!

Here is a simple and effective practice that can be done anywhere and at anytime of day. Practice for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or longer:

Sit comfortably with your back straight. Take a deep breath and let it go. Eyes are closed, breathe normally. Begin to silently count at the end of each out breath: Inhale… exhale… count one; inhale… exhale… two; inhale… exhale… three. Count to five, then start at one again. Just five breaths and back to one. Simply following each breath and silently counting. So simple!

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Can Meditation Save the World?

By Deb | Published: December 11, 2009

Did you ever feel you were missing something in your life? If so, what is it that would make you happier?

We can make it a saner and happier world if we just slowed down and had less focus on wanting or needing more stuff. If stuff made you happy, there would be nothing but happy people living in Bel Air and unhappy people living in Fiji where they have nothing, but I have been to Fiji and there are plenty of happy people there. I have never seen a hearse with a luggage rack on top. We have got to get away from stuff and appreciate what is here. Ed Begley, Jr., from Be The Change.

Meditation is now the IN thing. Cross-legged yogis and Buddhist monks can be seen in advertisements for everything from computers and credit cards to herbal teas, major newspapers and magazines carry stories on the benefits of meditation with tips from famous film stars, and no self-respecting bookshop is without a how-to-meditate section. But can meditation do more than just make us feel good? Can meditation change us enough to save us from further suffering, both individually and globally?

All of the pain and pleasure that we experience stems fundamentally from the mind. So when we say we want peace on earth, what we are really talking about is reducing the conflict in our own minds. Sakyong Mipham

We have tried many ways to bring peace to the world, creating organizations like the UN and NATO, we have had treaties and summits and endless meetings, but still there are difficulties and disagreements. Egos battle, greed for power dominates over humanity, and old hatred divides one against another. What will it take for us to come together in goodwill and to generate genuine peace? Could meditation be the missing ingredient?

Who makes problems? We humans. And who is the controller of the human? The mind. And how to control the human mind? Through meditation. If you can control the pilot, then the pilot can control the plane. Mingyur Rinpoche

To make changes in the way we live our lives and how we treat each other means being aware that everything I think, say, and do affects everybody and everything else, just as they affect me. This is the turning of our energy away from being focused on self-centeredness, self-survival, and closed-heartedness toward concern for others, generosity, and open-heartedness. If we genuinely want to end war, inequality, and abuse, then we need to have kindness toward all equally. There will never be peace in the world if we are not at peace within ourselves. Such a deepening of understanding is essential if we are to end the disregard and violence that destroy so many lives and cause so much unnecessary pain and distress.

The point of meditation is to keep the mind free of confusion. Meditation, past calming our nerves, past being good for our blood pressure, past allowing us to work out our own internal psychological dramas, which it does, past helping us to get along with our kin and our community, is a way of really deeply seeing the truth that the only way to ameliorate our own suffering and the suffering of the world is to keep our minds clear. Sylvia Boorstein

The equation, therefore, is simple: The more meditation becomes a part of our lives, the more we change and evolve; the more we change and evolve, the more society is transformed and the world moves into a more sustainable, wise, and loving place to be. And all we have to do for this chain of events to occur is to be mindful!

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BE THE CHANGE: 7 Great Women Who Are Transforming The World From The Inside Out

By Deb | Published: November 6, 2009

You must be the change you want to see in the world, as Mahatma Gandhi so eloquently said. In other words, change has to start within ourselves; we cannot expect the world to change if we do not. Instead of focusing on the problems, we can start to live the solutions.

If we want more love in our lives, we must become more loving; if we genuinely want to end terrorism and to bring real and peaceful change to the world, then we have to change from being concerned with our own needs to reaching out and helping each other. As Ed often says, when we make peace with ourselves, there is one less person suffering.

For kindness and compassion to become a natural expression of who we are, we may need help, guidance, and support. Meditation in its many forms is the one method we have found that does all of this. When we get to know ourselves more deeply we discover that we are more than we thought we were, that we have the resources, strength, and wisdom to not only make changes but to become the change we so long for.

Today is a special day for us as our book, BE THE CHANGE, is published. And so Deb felt that this week we should highlight seven great women in the book, women who are movers and shakers and who are deeply influenced by the invaluable benefits of meditation. There are many other brilliant and wonderful women who are also contributing to change in this way who are in the book as well.

We begin with Marianne Williamson, uplifting and inspirational speaker, and author of numerous New York Times bestsellers, including The Age of Miracles.

“Einstein said that we cannot solve the problems of the world from the level of thinking that we were at when we created them. A different level of thinking means a different level of thinking. It does not mean just a different kind of thinking. It does not mean a different emphasis in our thinking. It does not mean a more loving kind of thinking. It means what he said, a different level of thinking, and to me that is what meditation brings.

“Meditation can change the world because meditation changes us. That is the point. It returns us to our right mind, and until there is this evolution in consciousness, we will stay locked in a fear-based perspective in which we continue to see ourselves as separate from each other, and in which we continue to think that we can do something to someone else and not reap the result ourselves.”

Seane Corn, Yoga Teacher, National Yoga Ambassador for YouthAIDS, and co-creator of the Off the Mat and Into the World campaign.

“First yoga changed my body; then meditation changed my attitude. Then I realized that whether my practice was fifteen minutes or four hours was irrelevant because it was not about how yoga can change me, but how I, through this practice, can begin to change the world. What I really felt was how dare I not step into the world and hold that space?

“If what is happening on a global level is representative of what is happening on the individual level and if I want to transform what is happening globally, then I have to look within myself and see where I am separating myself from other human beings and from the earth. Where am I living in blame, in hate, in terrorism, in war, in any negative capacity toward another being? For if I am not willing to clean up the fear or the disconnect that is within myself, then I am responsible for what is happening on a planetary level.”

Tami Simon, founder and CEO of Sounds True Publishing, a multimedia publisher with a mission to disseminate spiritual wisdom.

“The formal practice of meditation is, for me, very important. It serves as a truth-teller, for without it, I can easily fool myself. As a driven-achiever kind of person, before I started meditating, I was unaware that most of the time I was driving situations, trying to push to do more. What I have found through the practice of meditation is that I can actually choose, at any given moment, to lean away from that need to be pushing and to rest in the back of myself. When I do that, I create the space for all kinds of things to happen, and for other people to be heard, and for the whole world to actually be heard through me, instead of living some sort of ego-driven self-centered existence.”

Joan Borysenko, Inspirational Speaker and the author of many books, including the bestseller Minding the Body, Mending the Mind.

“A long time ago, I came across a definition of meditation that it comes from the root meaning ‘right balance.’ That rang true for me because, personally, my attention is often so fragmented, egocentric, narcissistic, or self-concerned that there isn’t a whole lot of inner balance or alignment with what is. Rather, I am stuck in a state of non-balance. Right balance is when my mind is not spinning out endless movies and delusions, or maybe it still is but I am just not so attached to believing them. Meditation is when I can watch stuff go by and the part of me that usually interrupts and says, ‘That’s a good story, or that son of a bitch, or I’m guilty and awful,’ that part sits back and sees it as just one more story but without attachment to it.”

Jane Fonda, Oscar winning actress and five-time Oscar nominee, social and political activist, fitness instructor and meditator.

“There are practical reasons for dividing everything up. It makes things easier to manage and to solve, especially technical matters: the us and them, the either-or, the man versus nature, mine and yours. Life is simpler to deal with. But we have applied this fragmenting mindset to all of life so that it has become our reality, which has led to further fragmentation and chaos and planetary destruction. The challenge is to figure out how to deal with our day-to-day life, while at the same time changing our mindset so that we see reality as the unbroken wholeness of the totality of existence, an undivided, flowing movement without borders. Meditation connects me to a great inwardness and unity, and at the same time there is a great expansion into everything.”

Debbie Ford, founder of the Ford Institute for Integrative Coaching, and the author of the New York Times bestseller The Dark Side of the Light Chasers.

“Meditation is connecting to something bigger than myself. We meditate to have a shift in consciousness, to take us out of the limitations of our individual self. You know that to walk by somebody starving is to walk by yourself. You know that to judge somebody else is to judge yourself. In this place hope exists, possibility exists. This is where you know that we are here to have this human experience. Meditation is a process that makes the trip not only possible but also a little gentler.”

Gangaji, International Teacher and author of You Are That and The Diamond in Your Pocket.

“I grew up in the south, so I was profoundly conditioned to be racist. In meditation, my conditioning became more visible, but so did the ability to discover what was behind that conditioning, which I saw was fear. Fear is about survival. When you drop under that and experience the fear without trying to change it, just letting it be, then it becomes still. When you open your heart to fear, rather than trying to fight it or deny it or even overcome it, then you find it is just energy. There is a deconstructing that happens quite naturally of our racist and nationalist views, our gender or religious views. Then we are left with what cannot be either deconstructed or constructed.”

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What makes you get frustrated and irritable? Getting Real About Stress

By Deb | Published: October 29, 2009

Does your mother-in-law make you want to bite your nails? Does your work make you feel overwhelmed and unable to cope? What do you do when you just want to scream and stop the world? Stress is a derivation of the Latin word meaning ‘to be drawn tight.’ Which is exactly what happens when too many bills come at once, or your breathing gets faster and more shallow.

A caveman out on a hunt or a soldier on the front line needs the stress response in his body in order to have the energy to fight; the anticipation of the life-or-death experience puts his entire physiology into a state of red alert. So from a positive perspective, stress enables us to meet challenges, to push ourselves into new areas of experience or understanding, through heightening awareness and focusing concentration.

All of this would be fine if we had a bear to hunt or a war to wage. However, the stress most of us are dealing with is not from life-or-death situations, but is the distress that arises from an accumulation of pressure from much smaller issues. And although each separate incident may appear benign, if our response becomes increasingly stressful and we are no longer able to maintain our equilibrium then the body will put out the red alert. The stress response is activated when we are unable to adjust our behavior or deal creatively with demanding circumstances; we soon feel overwhelmed, like a steam cooker coming to full pressure. We are the only one who can turn down the heat, but unfortunately we usually feel powerless to do so.

When there is no animal to hunt or war to fight in which to release the energy accumulating inside us, where does it go? Is it difficult to believe that ulcers or irritable bowel syndrome are connected to high stress levels, that we might get constipation, diarrhea or lose our appetite? What happens to the urge to scream, to lash out, to find release from the tension? Is it surprising that marriages suffer, or that alcohol and food addiction is rising?

In the US, stress-related problems cost the economy up to $300 billion per year, with $7,500 per person lost per year to stress, whether through absenteeism or decreased productivity. According to the American Psychological Association and The American Institute of Stress, over 19 million Americans are affected by stress, 77% suffer from suffer from physical symptoms and 73% from emotional and psychological symptoms, and by one account. That’s a whole lot of stress, and it is on the rise.

Few of us like to think of ourselves as stressed, we prefer to think of stress as what happens to others, without realizing how susceptible we may be ourselves. The most comprehensive study of the causes of stress was done by Drs. Holmes and Rahe at the University of Washington. They based their findings on the level of adjustment required for different circumstances, as the inability to adequately adjust is most likely to stimulate the stress response.  Their Social Readjustment Scale placed the death of a spouse as the most difficult circumstance to adapt to, followed by divorce or separation. In more recent studies, money problems and work/unemployment issues are being rated more highly. To that list we must also add environmental stressors, such as pollution, traffic, noise, and increased population.

What must be remembered, however, is that as we all respond differently to circumstances, a divorce may be high on the list of stressors for one person but it may be a welcome relief to another! Our perception of the circumstances and of how well we can cope is the vital factor. For although we may have little or no control over the circumstances or stressors we are dealing with, we do have control over our understanding of the situation, and over our response. Remember: we cannot stop the wind but we can adjust our sails. Although changing our circumstances certainly can help, it may be only temporary. Invariably, no matter where we go or what we do, the change that is the most effective is within ourselves.

In a relaxed state we have access to far greater physical and psychological energy levels. That is why stress-management is fast becoming an integral part of most forward thinking businesses. The greatest lesson we are learning, both individually and collectively, is that we can work with our stress response and develop a higher level of adaptability, and that the results of such change have a far-reaching effect on every aspect of ourselves, each other and our world.

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3 Ways To Help Get You Through The Day (and Night!)

By Nick | Published: October 17, 2009

What does it take to get you through the night? When things are not going your way or they look topsy-turvy and you just want to scream; when your life appears chaotic and you are not sure if you are coming or going; when it feels like it is all piled on your shoulders, then this is the ideal moment to just stop, be still, and breathe.

Life is an exciting and outrageous adventure. Isn’t it a wonder how a spider weaves a web or a bee makes a hive? Did you ever notice the everyday miracles, like your breath? Isn’t it amazing that this greatest wonder of it all is right under your nose?

But how many of us get to experience this miracle? We all want to feel good; we all want to enjoy life. And we may know that meditation chills us out, but if we are feeling stressed or irritable then it doesn’t always seem so appealing. Yet it is your birthright to be happy and you do have what it takes within yourself.

So here are three mini-meditations, moments to just stop and breathe and remember why you are here. A moment to check yourself out, to look within, and to find what is really meaningful to you. You can get it together even when you think it is all falling apart.

Mini-meditations can be done on a train, walking down the street, at an airport, standing at a bus stop, in an elevator, while sitting in the bathroom (often the only place you can be alone!). Silently count your out- breath up to ten times, or walk with awareness of each step for up to ten steps. Or relax each part of your body, then silently repeat “soft belly” for five breaths.

If you are at work, then use your lunch hour to find a quiet spot, perhaps in a park, or even in the office if everyone else has gone out. If you are travelling then use that time to consciously breathe, letting your awareness follow your breath from the nose tip to your belly and back out again. If you are driving or operating machinery and feel you are getting tense, then stop for a moment, breathe into your belly and silently repeat “soft belly, soft belly.” Focus on any part of the body that is feeling tight and breathe into it, until you relax and let go. Silently repeat “soft shoulders” or “soft neck” and so on.

As you walk down the street or in an elevator practice a mini-loving kindness by silently wishing everyone be well, wishing that everyone be happy. In the office you can spend a few moments repeating the names of everyone you work with and wishing them happiness. On your way home from work reflect on your day and generate loving thoughts to all those you met. When you send out relaxing and loving thoughts it relaxes the space around you and often any chaotic or disturbing energies will dissipate. What you put out comes back to you ten fold.

1. Mini Breath Meditation

Sit comfortably with your back straight. Take a deep breath and let it go. Begin to silently count at the end of each out breath: Inhale… exhale… count one, inhale… exhale… two, inhale… exhale… three. Then start at one again. Just three breaths and back to one. Simply following each breath in and silently counting. So simple. Do this as many times as you want, eyes open or closed, breathing normally.

2. Mini Walking Meditation

You can do this walking along a country lane, a city street, in the office or the garden. You can walk slowly, normal or fast, whatever feels right. As you walk become aware of your walking, of the movement of your body and the rise and fall of your feet. Become aware of your breath and see if you can bring both your breathing and your walking together. Just walk and breathe with awareness for a few minutes.

3. Instant Letting Go

Find a quiet place to sit, have a straight back, and take a deep breath and let it go. Then quietly repeat to yourself: “My body is at ease and relaxed… my heartbeat is normal… my mind is calm and peaceful… my heart is open and loving.” Keep repeating this until you have let go of the tension and are at peace. Then take a deep breath and have a smile on your face!

May peace be with you!

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